Imagine if you knew for certainty that your thoughts were forces. That these forces were strong enough to impact on the external events that came into and shaped your life. How might you better manage your thoughts as a consequence?
Last Saturday morning I woke up miserable. I had had a bad night's sleep and I had missed having my husband at home with me the night before. He had been out with a friend and was sleeping in that morning nursing a hangover (he rarely goes out, and even more rarely drinks, so I could not begrudge him the event!). However it meant I had to get up to our 3 year old, do breakfast, clean the kitchen, take 3 year old to dance class, etc. So I was grumpy, and feeling hardly done by. In addition, I was running over in mind how 'lucky' some of my friends are, and how they didn't really deserve their luck, and why were we not so lucky, etc... It culminated in me driving to my parents-in-law's house (about three quarters of an hours drive away) with my husband having a very serious, deep and meaningful conversation whilst driving.
Just as we were about to arrive, I saw a flashing light behind me of a police car. I pulled over and said to my husband, "I think I have just got a speeding ticket", even though I had no idea what speed I had been travelling at. The policeman walked up to the window and asked me if I knew why I was being pulled over. I said that I guessed I was speeding. He said, no, I had been driving in the right hand lane when the signs say "Keep left unless overtaking". He then issued me with a $45 fine.
My husband was furious at the triviality of the 'crime' and also the fact that I had received a fine not just a warning.
But for me, I knew I had brought it on myself. I had had such bad karma against the world that day - feeling sorry for myself and wishing unwell on others, that I had brought this ill-fate on myself.
That fine was a big wake up call. I truly knew that my negative thoughts had brought it on.
When faced with any situation in life, it is so much more empowering to ask yourself "What can I do differently to get the result that I want?", than to attach blame or wear a victim mentality.
Even if the event or events are outside of your known control, it is worthwhile to 'presuppose' it is in your control. "What can I do to influence this person's behaviour towards me?" rather than "Why is this person behaving so badly towards me?" Or,"What can I do to handle this illness I have now?" vs "Why am I so unlucky to be suffering this illness and others aren't?"
Controlling our thoughts to be ones that are positive and work for us, rather than negative and that let us fall into a victim/blame mindset is the first step in being the cause of your life.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Fake it until you make it.....
An interesting response of mine to reading about some of the basics of neuro-linguistic programming was that suddenly my emotions had less value.
Imagine you had just had your wallet stolen by a pickpocket. You were lamenting why you didn't have your wallet more tightly held, why you had walked through the crowded shops and why you had $200 in your wallet when normally you had no cash.. You had just spent an hour on the phone cancelling all your credit cards with recalcitrant bank operators. You might imagine how you were feeling - angry, depressed, frustrated and just in a bad mood.
The phone rings. It is someone telling you that you have just won $100,000 from a raffle you entered at a shopping centre a number of months ago. How do you imagine your mood might shift - disbelief, elation, surprise, joy and generally a great mood.
How quickly did it take you to change from a bad mood to a good mood. "In a heartbeat" as Anthony Robbins would say.
Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) is more or less about the power to control our emotions and our emotional responses. Just like an external event such as the one above can change our emotional state 'in a hearbeat', we can trigger ourselves internally to also change our emotional state.
One of the simplest and most effective ways of doing this is to physically 'act' as if we were already in that more positive state.
What does a depressed person look like? They may be hunched in their seat, they would have a frown on their face, their shoulders may be drooped, and their body language very inward facing. Compare this to someone who feels excited and enthusiastic about the future. They would be standing up straight, smiling, looking directly at the world, they would be well groomed, walking briskly and with open, welcoming body language.
If you feel a bit depressed, watch for your physical 'symptoms' of depression. Choose to do the opposite. Choose to 'move' and 'act' as if you are not feeling depressed. Sit upright, move around, go for a walk, do something positive for yourself.
As much as we can attach ourselves to our emotions, and even define ourselves by our emotions, it is scary how quickly we can override and change these emotions.
Imagine you had just had your wallet stolen by a pickpocket. You were lamenting why you didn't have your wallet more tightly held, why you had walked through the crowded shops and why you had $200 in your wallet when normally you had no cash.. You had just spent an hour on the phone cancelling all your credit cards with recalcitrant bank operators. You might imagine how you were feeling - angry, depressed, frustrated and just in a bad mood.
The phone rings. It is someone telling you that you have just won $100,000 from a raffle you entered at a shopping centre a number of months ago. How do you imagine your mood might shift - disbelief, elation, surprise, joy and generally a great mood.
How quickly did it take you to change from a bad mood to a good mood. "In a heartbeat" as Anthony Robbins would say.
Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) is more or less about the power to control our emotions and our emotional responses. Just like an external event such as the one above can change our emotional state 'in a hearbeat', we can trigger ourselves internally to also change our emotional state.
One of the simplest and most effective ways of doing this is to physically 'act' as if we were already in that more positive state.
What does a depressed person look like? They may be hunched in their seat, they would have a frown on their face, their shoulders may be drooped, and their body language very inward facing. Compare this to someone who feels excited and enthusiastic about the future. They would be standing up straight, smiling, looking directly at the world, they would be well groomed, walking briskly and with open, welcoming body language.
If you feel a bit depressed, watch for your physical 'symptoms' of depression. Choose to do the opposite. Choose to 'move' and 'act' as if you are not feeling depressed. Sit upright, move around, go for a walk, do something positive for yourself.
As much as we can attach ourselves to our emotions, and even define ourselves by our emotions, it is scary how quickly we can override and change these emotions.
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