Seeing myself in the 'raw'

Another day, another life lesson.

Having had some more news that sent me into a downward spiral last night, it was a big effort this morning to wake up with a vigour for life.

However I had an adventurous day planned - a visit to a spirtual healer in Eumundi, about one and a half hours drive from Brisbane. She had come recommended from a friend of mine who had been told she could not get pregnant by the medical profession. Upon visiting this healer, she was told that she was not infertile, and shortly after her visit she fell pregnant with her first son, and her second not long after the first was born. So it gave me hope....

To say that what the healer said resonated with me is an understatement.

Annie identified that my business 'failure' last year continued to impact on all areas of my life currently. I had not taken the time to analyse ('peer into the open wound') the life lessons from this event. The stress related to this event, the blame and guilt that I still had on board was impacting my ability to live my life with confidence and purpose, and likely impacting my ability to have another child.

Annie used a form of kinesiology which was very powerful to identify the areas of 'false beliefs' in my life. She tested such statements as 'I forgive myself', 'I am loved and not alone', etc (which I initially failed dreadfully at) and then used her healing to allow me to feel these. She identified my relationship with my parents and childhood experiences as continuing to influence my behaviours and subconscious belief systems.

What was interesting is that I thought I had indeed worked through these issues. I would never have thought of myself as someone who did not feel able to be loved, or who felt guilt or blame. Yet when she spoke it I knew she was right - the weakness and feeling of being 'exposed' was raw. Here I was thinking I was self-aware, or at least more self-aware than the average person!

I walked out my session peaceful and truly connected to a form of global consciousness. It has allowed me to see the events in my life as simply events that need not impact on my sense of self or joy.

Yes when the negative thoughts come in (from the events of my day to day life), they are initially painful, like a stab - however I am learning to quickly see them for what they are - responses of my mind and ego self, not my true self.

Annie explained that this transition and change phase which began in Feb last year and will go through to December this year (long time!) is necessary for me to realise my true self, my true reason for being. Without the adversity, I would not have come as far as I have in my self realisation. As the saying goes, the universal spirit only sends us the life experiences she knows we can handle, but I wonder if she trusts me too much!

I have a long way to go of course still. But I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. I feel more in control of my errant emotions and feelings. And these are what effect my experiences of joy and happiness on a daily basis.

Living life for today rather than what might be in the future, or what was in the past brings in itself peace and joy. The future may never happen and the past is over, all we have is the present. This thought allows me to continuously work at 'being present' rather than worrying about the future, or lamenting the past.

My work in the leadership and personal development space continues to allow me to make a difference in people's lives. What a joy that is! Working with a community organisation this afternoon, we identified a culture that lacks a desire to develop their people. This is caused by a fear of change, and possibly a fear by senior management of being exposed. We will be running a small pilot with a group who are keen to see change happen - to build processes to start to shift the culture of the organisation. All small baby steps but it is very rewarding.

Picked up a book for my husband this afternoon called "The Way of the Superior Man". I saw it on the shelf and it jumped out at me to buy for him. I hope he enjoys it.

Signing off until tomorrow,

Cheers
Jane